“Forgive me Father, for I have sinned.”
            A phrase I hear all too often. “Forgive me Father, for I have sinned.” A phrase that makes me roll my eyes. I guess that would make you wonder, why in the hell are you a priest? I wish I could answer that. I guess I needed to hide it. Cage it in. I was afraid that society would shun me for it.
            I guess I should say what it is. Since I was a kid, I was something else. I went to mass every Sunday with my parents. We ate lunch at my grandpappy's afterward. It was perfect.
            I was a good little Catholic boy. But I couldn't help but feel like I had to hide my secret. I remember that day my mom and I were walking, and she said, “If you were, I would have to disown you.” I was awfully confused. I didn't even know what it meant to be that.
            We were outside of the elementary school in which my sister was having dance practice. It was a rather small, pinkish-brick building that sat about 50 yards from the main road. Because the student body was beginning to outgrow the building, they had two or three modulars outside to house a couple classes. The community pool sat to its right. My mother decided it would be a good idea to go for a walk while my sister finished up her practice. So, we were walking down the parking lot when I asked her about a news story that I overheard. The anchorman was talking about some sort of big controversy. That's when she said if I were “that way” then I wouldn't be her son anymore.
            I went clear through elementary school knowing I was different but refusing to acknowledge it. I didn't want to be “that way.” I played the normal card. I was just a shy prepubescent boy who didn't want to step on anyone's toes or have them get too involved in my life, or at least, I wanted to portray that image. It's funny how you can project yourself any way you want.
            It wasn't until my second year of middle school that I decided I could try and accept this. Most of my peers supported me; however, I still have scars from the names that pierced my ears. I continued to live as myself until the day my mother discovered my sin. Those were the shittiest days of my life.
            “Blah blah hell blah blah Sodom and Gomorrah."
            I grew tired of that shit fast.
            I found my way out at church camp. Ok, well I'll admit that I didn't view it as a way out but as divine intervention. I was praying, and I just felt something. To this day, I can't tell you how it feels, but if I had to compare it to anything, it was like flying down the starting hill of a roller coaster while kissing the one you love on your wedding day. Anything that gets your adrenaline rushing is comparable.
            So, I accepted Christ. It was so divine, no pun intended. Upon our return, I rushed to my mother's arms and told her the news. She was elated.It wasn't long before I felt the demonic plague return to my life. I would force myself to hold back, and I turned to smoking and other such things to help deal with it. I decided that God had a plan for me. I needed to help spread his message. So, I went to university and eventually joined a seminary. I relapsed a couple of times. But, I made my pledge to be a worker of the Lord
            So, here I sit in this cubicle waiting to hear about everyone else's fucking miserable life.
            “Forgive me Father for I have sinned.”
            Tell me about it. I remember hearing this one guy, boy was he a sinner. I just wanted to lock him in that confessional and…Oh, I'm getting carried away now. I hate myself for this. What do I do now? All I want is to jump on the next guy I see, but I have to remain chaste for the Lord. I can't leave my God, but I really don't know why he hasn't helped me. Haven't I done it all? I'm a fucking priest.
            Well, I guess this is where I'm supposed to tell you that it all works out; I accept that God accepts me for accepting who I am. Well, I can't. I've accepted who I am. So, I'll continue to stand by my Man.
            Forgive me Father, for I have sinned.